Many of us have been manipulated into obligations that we did not wish to owe, at a time when we were in need ourselves. Not everyone who goes above and beyond does so for us for the right reasons, and we can be victimized by their motives. They might be trying to obligate us through the burden of gratitude.
Dating is a particularly harmful method some men use to obligate young women into sex acts or a relationship they do not want. In the majority of instances, the man asks the woman out, and the man generally is the one who pays for the date. Some men will use this fact as a way to make the girl feel she owes him for the cost of dinners, movies, or trips.
In modern relationships it is not uncommon for women to pay for their own meals, at least in the beginning. In fact, this is recommended for many young women in order to avoid these date-rape scenarios where a man might try to convince her that she owes him sex. If this means that the girl cannot afford to date, this is better than feeling obligated to give sex as payment for a meal.
Churches may use this same tactic to draw in new members. When a church gives food, clothing, shelter, or money to homeless people, there should be no requirement for that person to attend services. However, such services are held out as a requirement for anyone who pursued help in this way, and this is a perfectly legal thing for them to do.
It is typical even for parents to use indebted obligations to control the behavior of their adult children. The fact is, once a person is over the age of eighteen, parents are not legally able to enforce curfews or other restrictions on them. However, in order to control who they date and what they do, some parents will withhold housing or financial assistance to their children if they fail to behave in whatever way they are trying to force.
When we find ourselves in a difficult situation, it is up to us to decide if we think friends offer help for our benefit, or if they are trying to get something from us. Sometimes they actually are just trying to gain something for themselves. They might want to get paid for the help they offer, or even just a foot in the door of our lives in order to date or learn things about us so they can spread rumors.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
We all need help at some point in life, but the sad fact remains that others will take advantage of us at such a time. Perhaps we should seek help from a stranger rather than a friend. Family, friends, coworkers, and especially exes just might not have what is best for us in mind when they extend their assistance.
Dating is a particularly harmful method some men use to obligate young women into sex acts or a relationship they do not want. In the majority of instances, the man asks the woman out, and the man generally is the one who pays for the date. Some men will use this fact as a way to make the girl feel she owes him for the cost of dinners, movies, or trips.
In modern relationships it is not uncommon for women to pay for their own meals, at least in the beginning. In fact, this is recommended for many young women in order to avoid these date-rape scenarios where a man might try to convince her that she owes him sex. If this means that the girl cannot afford to date, this is better than feeling obligated to give sex as payment for a meal.
Churches may use this same tactic to draw in new members. When a church gives food, clothing, shelter, or money to homeless people, there should be no requirement for that person to attend services. However, such services are held out as a requirement for anyone who pursued help in this way, and this is a perfectly legal thing for them to do.
It is typical even for parents to use indebted obligations to control the behavior of their adult children. The fact is, once a person is over the age of eighteen, parents are not legally able to enforce curfews or other restrictions on them. However, in order to control who they date and what they do, some parents will withhold housing or financial assistance to their children if they fail to behave in whatever way they are trying to force.
When we find ourselves in a difficult situation, it is up to us to decide if we think friends offer help for our benefit, or if they are trying to get something from us. Sometimes they actually are just trying to gain something for themselves. They might want to get paid for the help they offer, or even just a foot in the door of our lives in order to date or learn things about us so they can spread rumors.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
We all need help at some point in life, but the sad fact remains that others will take advantage of us at such a time. Perhaps we should seek help from a stranger rather than a friend. Family, friends, coworkers, and especially exes just might not have what is best for us in mind when they extend their assistance.
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